My old quotes file

Carnegie Mellon
Hines Ward: It’s better to be a used-to-be than a never-was.
Randy Pausch: That’s for damn sure.
Hines Ward making Randy Pausch’s day

Wink, I can write that code in Θ(n lg n) time…
Overheard in the cluster

5/3/96 Entropy
The Universe continued to rapidly hurtle towards heat death millions of years from now. Campus police issued an internal citation to the Physics Department.
From the Slime and Dissidence Report in the May 6, 1996 Natrat

This project can be enjoyable or can be one of the seven rings of hell.
Operating Systems, Assignment #1, Spring 1997

I don’t care if he’s depressed and suicidal. We are not calling the robo-student ‘Kafka.’
Jason Riek

Lemma: A fact that you don’t give a damn about in its own right, except it will make your life easier.
Bill Hrusa, Calculus in 3 Dimensions lecture notes

This is not just hard…it’s unpleasant. If all of calculus were like this, I’d recommend that you just drop out of calculus and switch into something easy like H&SS.
Bill Hrusa

This is more of that hand-wavey stuff.
Bob Harper

Thank you for asking that question, it’s a very good one….but it would ruin the lecture for me to answer it…Oh what the hell, the answer is…
Bob Harper

It’s the last day of class, and I can claim what I please…
Bob Harper

Some of you may be worried because you have to program in Visual Basic…
Peter Muhlberger

The CMU bboards should be reserved for vital university functions, such as posting pictures of naked women.
Doug Tygar

Friends
Your design is at once angular and yet erotic. But vere are der sushi bar and tattoo parlor?
Ben Raia on “der master plan”

Tarpy: Enjoy the Wing
Tarpy: Much better than L&O
Jeremy: Never seen L&O
Tarpy: really? it’s like the juggernaut of NBC
Jeremy: no shit
Tarpy: there’s like 136496759857214314 versions
Jeremy: it’s been on for like 32098234903284029834890 seasons
Jeremy: haha that too
Jeremy: Law & Order: CSI
Jeremy and I on L&O

Well, let x > 0 be the knowledge required to be a Picket Fences pimp. Let y be my knowledge. Let z be the knowledge required to be a freak. Let t be Tarpy’s knowledge. Needless to say, the following relationship holds for these real numbers:

0 < x < y < z < t
Jeremy Horwitz

In my country, by the age of six, we can all prove Fermat’s Last Theorem on our ass.
Jeremy Horwitz

Hmmmm…..solve_fermats_last_theorem()….I wonder if that takes any inputs…
Jeremy Horwitz

I think the moral of this story is that if you’re a bored cop on a Wednesday night, looking for people to harass, you don’t pick on the ones who are armed to the teeth with an arsenal of digital cameras. We have Photoshop, and we’re not afraid to use it.
Lorna

You are such a breadcrumb whore
Lorna, on my love of breadcrumbing

So here’s what I think you should do: start quizzing Robbyn on proper men’s style. If she answers wrong, then she doesn’t get to say what you wear.
Mike Wall

Wall: I want something where I put in “struts”, and it says its a java based web framework, by apache. then links to java, and apache. and I can increase the detail, and it explain more about it. but it containts every kind of tech or app there is, java, MS, hardware, OS, etc. That’s my new plan for world domination.
Tarpy: i smell a .com in this
Wall: wallsresourceguidetoeverythingyoudontknowwhichincidentallyisquitealot.com
AIM conversation between Wall and myself

Wall: stinking invites are gonna cost .60 per
Tarpy: square or weight?
Wall: both 🙂 1.1oz
Tarpy: that we both know what that means, should scare us greatly
Wall: ah, the life of the soon-to-be-married man
Tarpy: you before me sucker
Wall: that’s just because I get around to finishing what I start 😉
AIM conversation between Wall and myself

Wall: so got the first replies back. I guess mail gets to AZ and PA faster than local 🙂
Tarpy: ha
Tarpy: that sucks so bad
Tarpy: i wanted to /. your invites
Wall: you didn’t just say that…
Wall: 😉
Tarpy: oh i did
Tarpy: I GOT FIRST POST!
Wall: ha
Wall: actually we decided we’ll find a gift for the first people 🙂
Tarpy: danm
Tarpy: i wanted free shit
Wall: I’m thinking we can make this whole thing into a game show
Wall: “What would you do for a centerpiece?”
Tarpy: “aaaaaand now, at table 5, the winner of the most beaten up reply envelope is….Mr. I.P. Freely!”
Wall: heh, nice.
Wall: “Congratulations to, um, all of my college friends for most number of drinks at the open bar!”
Tarpy: “And finally, for best use of gin in a tonic based drink, give a great big round of applause for…oh wait, it’s a tie! Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Brian Carothers and Matthew Tarpy!”
Wall: “And our special prize goes to Carothers as well, for the first unsuccessful smooth talk of a single lady. Always classy, never refined. Thank you Carothers.”
AIM conversation between Wall and myself

reasons for divorce – strain on the marriage from drug addiction and g@yness.
Vikki, on Liza Minelli and Dave Gest getting divorced

This is bullshit Pittsburgh snow, not enough to make you think of Christmas, but just enough to piss you off.
Brian Carothers

Good lord. Sometimes I wonder if the wheels of commerce turn strictly to generate goods and services for you.
Brian Carothers

Top 11 Ways to rm -rf / a Macintosh
11. Un-bless the system folder. Mac’s are unhloy anyway.
10. “I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay. Hmmmm, what can I hit with my axe today?”
9. Throw it down architect’s leap.
8. Try to get it to do something useful…Should sponateously combust.
7. Leave Dana alone in the room with it for two minutes.
6. Run Mathematica (30k serial number required)
5. “Hey this hard drive is SCSI, it’ll work in my PC.” <yank>
4. Throw the desktop into the trash. (Do this either by using the mouse to drag the desktop into the trash-can icon, or by picking up your Mac and throwing it into a dumpster). In either case, don’t forget to empty the trash.
3. Install NetBSD/Mac
2. Two words: open flame.
1. Sledge-o-matic
Dave Meltzer

I hope no one sees this code…and if they do, it’s Shah’s.
Alexis Lubensky

Anchovies is not an accepting state.
Alexis on the NFA for ordering pizza

Media quotes
Geo Beach: And then in the summertime, some intrepid bicycists, motorocycilists, and RV drivers go up there, and they get themselves in a looooot of trouble.
Jon Stewart: And you seem to be enjoying that!
Geo Beach: Yeah, I do.
The Daily Show (07.24.08)

Do me a favor; say a prayer for Brother Timmy. And tip a cold one. Go Bills!
Tom Brokaw’s Eulogy of Tim Russert

But there’s also some of the finest science fiction ever broadcast on TV. A time-travelling Enterprise forces dark decisions on a war-torn crew in “Yesterday’s Enterprise.”
Wired’s Review of Star Trek: The Next Generation Complete Series Collection

People are suckers for fonts.
Jon Stewart

On my first visit, some years ago, I passed the time on the long flight reading a history of Australian politics in the twentieth century, wherein I encountered the startling fact that in 1967 the prime minister, Harold Holt, was strolling along a beach in Victoria when he plunged into the surf and vanished. No trace of the poor man was ever seen again. This seemed doubly astounding to me–first that Australia could just lose a prime minister (I mean, come on) and second that news of this had never reached me.
Bill Bryson, In a Sunburned Country

Scott Podsednik: This World Series is for all the cursed teams and all the Chicagoland area.
Amy Poehler: Even Skokie?
Scott Podsednik: Even Skokie.
Tina Fey: Even Wilmette?
Scott Podsednik: Even Wilmette.
Amy Poehler: Even Schaumburg?
Scott Podsednik: No, not Schaumburg.
White Sox Left Fielder Scott Podsednik on SNL Weekend Update

Because I’m not 13, I’ve never heard Aguilera’s music. But a photograph in a tabloid depicted a blond showing cleavage, with her pants spray-painted on. Obviously, she’s talented.
John Kass

In Memory of Michael Kelly: He could have advocated the war in Iraq without going to cover it. He could have covered it without putting himself in harm’s way. But liberty is an expensive feast. And Mike was a man who always picked up the check.
The dedication to Peace Kills by P.J. O’Rourke

For anyone else, these two scenes would stand in contradiction: Once this man was so powerless that he was forced in the middle of a frozen January to clean open rooms that had been used as toilets, later he was so powerful that thousands of people would have gladly died if he had but lifted his hand. For Karol Wojtyła, however, there seemed no contradiction at all. They were both demanded by the vocation to which God had called him. They were both involved with service and obedience. They were both the next thing that needed to be done.

History labors down its worn tracks and the poverty of human possibilities leaves us few choices. Or so it often seems.

But not always. Not while we remember that living in truth is always possible. Not while we remind ourselves of the message of hope preached ceaselessly by Karol Wojtyła. Not while we recall John Paul the Great.
Joseph Bottum

In common parlance, left is clearly code for “feckless, pseudo-intellectual wiener,” while right is code for “winner” and “the people who are actually running things while you assholes are reading James Joyce.”
Matt Taibbi

All you need to know about (Yasser) Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.
James Lileks

It was Sophocles who wrote perhaps the most famous of greek tragedies, Oedepius Rex…Oedepius was the tragic king who killed his father then married his mother, a sequence of events that seldom turns out well.
Bob Costas, Athens 2004 Opening Ceremony

Moore is a silly and shady man who does not recognize courage of any sort even when he sees it because he cannot summon it in himself. To him, easy applause, in front of credulous audiences, is everything.

At no point does Michael Moore make the smallest effort to be objective. At no moment does he pass up the chance of a cheap sneer or a jeer. He pitilessly focuses his camera, for minutes after he should have turned it off, on a distraught and bereaved mother whose grief we have already shared. (But then, this is the guy who thought it so clever and amusing to catch Charlton Heston, in Bowling for Columbine, at the onset of his senile dementia.) Such courage.
Christopher Hitchens on Michael Moore

When you reject the notion that Jews shouldn’t be held exclusively accountable (we’re all to blame, my Roman Catholic friends tell me), along with a denial that 6 million Jews were murdered by the Nazis during World War II, then you begin to seem like an anti-Semite, sort of the way a squat, waddling, web-footed, quacking creature seems an awful lot like a duck.
Kathrine Parker

And there’s this. Deep down, in some still vital area of human knowledge within you, the place where you just know things, you have got to know that no political party primarily funded, supported and led by fierce pro-abortionists, by people whose great interest in life is seeing to it that the right to kill infants is retained can long endure. Nothing can long stand on a foundation like that. Nothing.
Peggy Noonan

A true conservative would say that if history teaches anything, it’s that once seized, such tyrannical powers will be abused, a conviction embedded not merely in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, but the Magna Carta of 1215, for heaven’s sake. Until last week, Bush didn’t think those documents applied to him. Anyhow, here’s a thought exercise for readers inclined to call me an elitist, un-American sicko for questioning Bush’s motives. Write these four words on a piece of paper: “President Hillary Rodham Clinton.” See what I mean?

Or try this on for size: “Two Rodham Clinton opponents, taken out of the crowd in restraints by police, said they were told they couldn’t be there because they were wearing shirts that opposed the president.” That exact sentence appeared in a news story about a recent Bush campaign appearance. Since when do Americans get cuffed for disliking the president?
Gene Lyons

If you’re a gay male, isn’t marrying the product of Judy Garland’s loins like the holy grail?
Gary Meier on David Gest

If the Rose Bowl is now going to be just a random affair and no longer about the Big 10-Pac 10 rivalry, then I’m no longer interested. Hell, if I want Oklahoma in California, I’ll rent “Grapes of Wrath” and be assured of a far superior entertainment.
Mark Starr, MSNBC

It may not be a coincidence, but neither is it a partnership: good does not need evil, we owe no debt to demons, and the attack did not make us better. It was an occasion to discover what we already were.
Person of the Year Citation, Rudy Giuliani, Time Magazine

The American people must stop being the enablers of candidates whose politics may be right but whose personal habits are not in check. Such a volatile mix holds embarrassment and maybe worse for the country. There are two words that anyone running for president and anyone planning to vote for one should take from this sorry moment in history:

Character counts.

Character counts.

Character counts.
Tom Waseleski, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Assistant Editor

The bottom line is, 30 years of chanting “choice” cannot overshadow what it is that’s being chosen.
Janet Folger

As constitutional law, this was pretty novel stuff—like the 1995 ruling striking down the Gun-Free Schools Act, which said that, contrary to its more expansive fantasies, Congress does not have unlimited power to regulate absolutely everything under the sun.
Stephen Chapman on the Supreme Court’s voiding of a Brady Bill provision

Politics
Last, and most importantly, the responsibility of an informed citizenry is as much my responsibility as it is yours. I don’t believe in deceiving voters about my positions, my beliefs or how I would govern this country were I to have the extraordinary privilege of serving as President. I want voters to know and understand my positions. I intend to stand by them, to defend them and even, at times, to engage in spirited debate with voters about them. But I want them to know what and why I believe the things I believe. And I think the press wants voters to know that as well, even though, at times, my views can suffer from your translation of them, sometimes more through my fault than yours. That is why I prefer the townhall format to other forms of communication with the voters. And that is why I make myself regularly available to all of you. I will screw up sometimes, and, frankly, so will you. But on the whole, you, I and, most importantly, the American people are better served by the openness and accountability that direct, lengthy and frequent exchanges with the press produces. And I will take my chances with you and trust in the American people to get it right in the end.
John McCain, Address to the AP, 04.14.08

There’s no question that the Afghan victory and 9-11 are holding hands with each other. Is it Charlie Wilson’s fault? No, don’t be ridiculous. Nobody’s responsible for 9-11, except some twisted cock suckers.
Aaron Sorkin

America has two great dominant strands of political thought; we’re represented up here on this stage: conservatism, which at its very best draws lines that should not be crossed; and progressivism, which at its very best breaks down barriers that are no longer needed or should never have been erected in the first place.
President Bill Clinton, at the dedication of his library

Even if the exercise of my power becomes my burden, I will bear it…I sought this office, and even in my final days of holding it, I can’t shrink from the obligations to justice and fairness that it demands…I’m going to sleep well tonight knowing I made the right decision.
Illinois Governor George Ryan announcing blanket commutation for all Illinois Death Row inmates

For the final years of his life, Ronnie’s mind was clouded by illness. That cloud has now lifted. He is himself again — more himself than at any time on this earth. For we may be sure that the Big Fella Upstairs never forgets those who remember Him. And as the last journey of this faithful pilgrim took him beyond the sunset, and as heaven’s morning broke, I like to think — in the words of Bunyan — that “all the trumpets sounded on the other side”.

We here still move in twilight. But we have one beacon to guide us that Ronald Reagan never had. We have his example. Let us give thanks today for a life that achieved so much for all of God’s children.
Baroness Thatcher’s eulogy of President Ronald Ronald

May our common future and that of our great nations be guided by wise men and women who will remember always the golden achievements of the Reagan era and the success that can be theirs if the values of freedom and democracy are preserved, unsullied and undiminished, until the unfolding decades remember little else.

I have been truly blessed to have had a friend like Ronald Reagan. I am grateful that our paths crossed and that our lives touched. I shall always remember him with deepest admiration and affection and I shall always feel honored by the journey we traveled together in search of better and more peaceful tomorrows for all God’s children, everywhere.

And so, in the presence of his beloved and indispensable Nancy, his children, family, friends and the American people he so deeply revered, I say “au revoir” today to a gifted leader, historic president and gracious human being. And I do so with a line from Yeats, who wrote:

“Think where man’s glory most begins and ends and say — my glory was that I had such friends.”
Former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney’s eulogy of President Ronald Reagan

We have gone forth from our shores repeatedly over the last hundred years and we’ve done this as recently as the last year in Afghanistan and put wonderful young men and women at risk, many of whom have lost their lives, and we have asked for nothing except enough ground to bury them in, and otherwise we have returned home to seek our own, you know, to seek our own lives in peace…But there comes a time when soft power or talking with evil will not work. Where, unforunately, hard power is the only thing that works.
U.S. Secretary of State, Colin Powell

We have to cry, and we have to mourn, and we have to feel terrible and awful…the tears have to make you stronger, everytime you cry, you have to remember that we’re right, and they’re wrong.
Rudy Giuliani at the Marsh & McClellan memorial, September 28, 2001

I think there’s no way of predicting at this point what kind of lasting damage we’ve done to the institutions of democracy. We’ll just have to wait and see how that develops.
White House Spokesman Mike McCurry, February 11, 1998

If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein. If there are any circumstances which permit an exception, they do not now occur to us.
Justice Robert Jackson, Board of Education v. Barnette

As to the Court’s invocation of the Lemon test: like some ghoul in a late-night horror movie that repeatedly sits up in its grave and shuffles abroad after being repeatedly killed and buried, Lemon stalks our Establishment Clause jurisprudence once again, frightening the little children and school attorneys of Center Moriches Union Free School District. Its most recent burial, only last Term, was, to be sure, not fully six feet under: Our decision in Lee v. Weisman…conspicuously avoided using the supposed “test,” but also declined the invitation to repudiate it. Over the years, however, no fewer than five of the currently sitting Justices have, in their own opinions, personally driven pencils through the creature’s heart (the author of today’s opinion repeatedly), and a sixth has joined an opinion doing so.
Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Concuring Opinion, Lamb’s Chapel v. Center Moriches School District

Striking the proper constitutional balance here is of great importance to the Nation during this period of ongoing combat…But it is equally vital that our calculus not give short shrift to the values that this country holds dear or to the privilege that is American citizenship. It is during our most challenging and uncertain moments that our Nation’s commitment to due process is most severely tested; and it is in those times that we must preserve our commitment at home to the principles for which we fight abroad.
Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, Hamdi v. Rumsfield

After the Declaration of Independence was signed, Virginia statesman John Page wrote to Thomas Jefferson: “We know the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong. Do you not think an angel rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm?”…This work continues. This story goes on. And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.
President George W. Bush, Inaugural Address, Janurary 20, 2001

We go to liberate not to conquer. We will not fly our flags in their country.

We are entering Iraq to free a people and the only flag which will be flown in that ancient land is their own. Show respect for them.

There are some who are alive at this moment who will not be alive shortly. Those who do not wish to go on that journey, we will not send.

As for the others I expect you to rock their world. Wipe them out if that is what they choose. But if you are ferocious in battle remember to be magnanimous in victory.

Iraq is steeped in history. It is the site of the Garden of Eden, of the Great Flood and the birthplace of Abraham. Tread lightly there.

You will see things that no man could pay to see and you will have to go a long way to find a more decent, generous and upright people than the Iraqis.

You will be embarrassed by their hospitality even though they have nothing.

Don’t treat them as refugees for they are in their own country. Their children will be poor, in years to come they will know that the light of liberation in their lives was brought by you.

If there are casualties of war then remember that when they woke up and got dressed in the morning they did not plan to die this day.

Allow them dignity in death. Bury them properly and mark their graves.

It is my foremost intention to bring every single one of you out alive. But there may be people among us who will not see the end of this campaign. We will put them in their sleeping bags and send them back. There will be no time for sorrow…

It is a big step to take another human life. It is not to be done lightly. I know of men who have taken life needlessly in other conflicts. I can assure you they live with the mark of Cain upon them.

If someone surrenders to you then remember they have that right in international law and ensure that one day they go home to their family. The ones who wish to fight, well, we aim to please.

If you harm the regiment or its history by over-enthusiasm in killing or in cowardice, know it is your family who will suffer. You will be shunned unless your conduct is of the highest — for your deeds will follow you down through history. We will bring shame on neither our uniform or our nation…

As for ourselves, let’s bring everyone home and leave Iraq a better place for us having been there.

Our business now is north.
Lieutenant Colonel Tim Collins of the 1st Battalion of the Royal Irish Regiment

Miscellany
Every night I quietly drank just a bit too much wine, and other people would have interfered with that.
Nuala O’Faolain, on why she chose to remain alone in Almost There

For most applications assembly is a worthless insecure language, and you should stick to a higher level language if you don’t want to introduce problems (for anything larger, but probably including “hello world”).
owlstead, /

The best time I had was when I was going through a French airport and they went through this little charade. I asked the screener “why can I have a corkscrew, but not this little piece of dull steel?” Her answer was simple: “Because a corkscrew is for wine!” For all their faults, you have to really love the French. They do have their priorities straight.
Joel Snyder on airport security screening measures

With this 2 – 4 – 2 configuration, the five-seat block found on some competing aircraft, with its highly unpopular “double-excuse-me” centre seat, is avoided.
www.airbus.com

And yet a man who could sit under the shade of his own vine, with his wife and his children around him and the ripe clusters hanging within their reach, in such a climate as this and not feel the highest enjoyment, is incapable of happiness and does not know what the word means.
James Busby of Waitangi, the first recorded winemaker in New Zealand

I’m no economist, but I do know two things for sure: I never got a job from a poor man; and the more money people have in their pockets, the more jobs they create by spending that money.
Larry Gatlin, August 29, 2004

The king of which (cocktails) is the martini…and for refreshment, nothing beats a gin and tonic.
Chris Lehman on the glory of gin

Even though the world is a very narrow bridge, the most important thing is to be not afraid.
English translation of the Hebrew chant “Kol Ha-Olam Kulo”

That’s some bad mojo, trying to steal the Baby Jesus.
Rabbi Mark Washofsky

The magnitude of this hack compares favorably with that of the national debt.
private\ntos\w32\ntuser\client\nt6\user.h (Win2k Source)

The game may be a little shallow, but it’s an impressive artistic achievement and to be quite frank any title that allows you to magically summon Bambi out of thin air to attack evil demons of the underworld has got to be worth some sort of recommendation.
amazon.com review of Kingdom Hearts

Hate to sound elitist here…But steaks not grilled over an open flame make Baby Jesus cry.
jayhawk88 on Kuro5hin.org

Very well, break out Star Trek XLIII: Spock Jr. Meets the Son of the Nephew of Khan and have everyone injected with enough sodium pentothal to put them out cold for a couple millennia.
William Shatner on what Kirk would say to Spock, had “Warp Drive” never been “invented”

Between 1861 and 1865 Americans made war on each other and killed each other in great numbers, if only to become the kind of country that could no longer conceive how that was possible. What began as a bitter dispute over Union and State’s Rights, ended as a struggle over the meaning of freedom in America.
The Civil War

But for me, the best praise I can give this thing is to say that before I saw this film, no period of history was as boring to me as the American Civil War. Afterwards, none seemed to matter more.
amazon.com review of Ken Burns’The Civil War

He (Don Carty) said that when second-quarter earnings reports for the airlines are released next week, “the most positive thing I can say about the losses you’re likely to see is — at least in the wake of the accounting scandals we’ve seen recently — you can have utter confidence in the airlines reported results because nobody in their right mind would make up numbers like this.”
Reuter’s wire report on Don Carty’s (CEO of AMR) comments on the 2nd Quarter earnings season.

We have disabled /incoming due to the WareZ people, so be sure to thank one (preferably using a baseball bat) next time you meet one.
/etc/motd.ftp for ftp.vix.com

Not all violence has equal moral weight. The violence which stops the murderer, possibly to the murderer’s own demise, is good. The violence which stops the rapist as he makes his assault is good. Such response is unfortunate, in its need to be carried out, and one may rightly feel regret in having felt that need and responded appropriately, but it is good to have done so nonetheless.
Karl Kleinpaste

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
Random notes about Goodtimes

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
John Diefenbacker

One nice feature of NIS is that it can be understood by mere mortals.
UNIX System Administration Handbook

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.
Jeremy Anderson

Mark Knopfler has an extraordinary ability to make a Schecter Custom Stratocaster hoot and sing like angels on a Saturday night, exhausted from being good all week and needing a stiff drink.
Douglas Adams, So Long and Thanks for All the Fish

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
C. S. Lewis

Gus was one of those young men, quite common in the United States, actually, who would fight you down to the last unbroken bone over an insult to the little grey town they came from or the grey little church they had fidgeted in all those years — while at the same time, in some hidden corner of the soul, they prostrated themselves daily in thanksgiving to the things that had gotten them the hell out of there.
Tom Wolfe (The Right Stuff), on Gus Grissom

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
Garrison Keillor

Work
i’m typing in a firm voice.
Whindee Dawson, on it being pointed out she was typing VERY LOUD

Anyway – you should watch more TV – it might make you more cultured
A boss of mine

A Mime type is a bit of code trapped in an invisible box.
Bob Ngu

Sand Hill Road is a lot like Vegas…red…black…*poof* my money’s all gone!
Alan Cooper, UPA’01 Opening Speaker

One of these days virus & hoax email people are going to learn about spell & grammar check…and the world will end.
Ty Freiberg

We’ve moved from one area of incompetence to another.
Observation of a CEO

Movie, TV, & Stage
The only must-win game was World War II, and we won it on the road.
Jaws JaworskiMonday Night Football (11.17.08)

No socially adjusted adult wants to watch a bunch of pre-teen girls hop around in their bathing suits; that’s not a sport, that’s an episode of “To Catch A Predator.”
Andy Daly, Root of All Evil (08.13.08)

Never doubted him; never will.
Captain Jack Harkness, on finding that The Doctor’s plan will kill everyone

How did you get here? A bubble?
Elphaba, The Wicked Witch of the West, to Glinda

Ron White has disappointed more fat women than Jenny Craig.
Lisa Lampanelli

One day you’ll be eating a fast-food burger and BOOM, you’ll be crawling with us again. Ever wonder what makes special sauce so special? Yo.
Lord Mayor of Colon, Futurama

Yes, thank you for clearing that up, Leo. Having been educated at Cambridge and the Sorbonne, I am, as you know, exceedingly stupid.
John, Lord Marbury, The West Wing

I only know one thing for sure, and that is, that flying darkness that eats energy can only be very, very bad.
Dr. David McKay, Stargate: Atlantis

The truth is out there, but so are lies.
Dana Sculley

Harry, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day…once a day…give yourself a present. Don’t plan it; don’t wait for it; just…let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men’s store, a cat-nap in your office chair, or…two cups of good, hot, black coffee.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper, “Twin Peaks”

That’s not why I pray, Harry. I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God, it changes me.
Sir Anthony Hopkins as C.S. Lewis, Shadowlands

AK-47. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room. Accept no substitutes.
Ordell Robbie

There are times, sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders. You acknowledge their sentience, but you ignore their personal liberties…and freedom. Order a man to hand his child over to the state? Not while I’m his captain.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard

It’s a hundred six miles to Chicago. We’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. Let’s go.
Elmo Blues

The Tarpy’s
MatthewTarpy: i should have shut up and waited
Wall: hey, how about using that one for your quote file 🙂

We’re all sluts now.
Me, after learning all of us had HO or HOR in our game of HORSE

Tarpy: i know it’s so frat boy to like them
Tarpy: but damn they make my ears happy
An IM to Lorna declaring my aural love of Dave Matthews

There is magic and wonder with each new day- don’t become cynical or depressed: the world is full of cynics and unhappy people- it needs every bit of light in this darkness- you’re either a lamp or a dark void.
Dad

Am I cool or what? 😎
Mom, after learning to use emoticons

If I flash my breasts i can get whatever I want
Moira, at the Van Morrison concert

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